Diary of a Gringo in Puerto Vallarta is a fictional story about Dave, who has recently moved to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, for a change of pace. His character is loosely based on my own experiences moving to Mexico two decades ago. Dave has taken on the challenge of living in a foreign country, with the intention of “finding himself” and learning Spanish along the way. The series of weekly short stories (diary entries) will be filled with hilarious misunderstandings, culture shocks, language blunders, and other comedic situations. Dave’s naivety and positivity, despite his constant struggles with the language and culture, will be a central theme throughout the series.
As the sun began to rise over Puerto Vallarta, bathing the picturesque town in a golden glow, My excitement was already at its peak. It was my first day living in Puerto Vallarta. I had dreamt about this moment, living in a vibrant foreign town, for so long, and it was finally here. I took a deep breath, inhaling the unique morning aroma of fresh tortillas and brewing coffee mixed with the salty sea breeze. My heart fluttered with anticipation; today, I would finally immerse myself in the local culture. I jumped out of bed and said ‘OK Dave, this is the first chapter of a new life!”
Armed with my trusty, albeit slightly worn, Spanish phrasebook, I ventured out onto the cobblestone streets. The town was just waking up, the locals setting up their shops, the air filling with the chatter of the residents. My destination was the local market, a place I had been told was the heart of the town. As I neared the market, the hum of activity grew louder, the vibrant colors of the stalls becoming a blur. It was a sensory overload but in the most delightful way possible.
I sauntered through the market, marveling at the variety of goods on display. There were stalls selling everything from fresh fruits and vegetables to vibrant textiles and charming trinkets. Then, something caught my eye – a bicycle stall. I had imagined myself riding through the Romantic Zone, a scene right out of a movie. I mean, how hard could it be to ride a bike down cobblestone streets full of potholes, right? Next to the bicycle salesman, oddly enough, was a man selling a donkey.
Confidently, I approached the bicycle vendor, with my Spanish phrasebook clutched in my hand. “Buenos días, señor. Quiero comprar un burro,” I proclaimed, with my accent mangling the words. But I was confident, I had been repeating the phrase in my head to get it just right before I opened my mouth. The vendor, a burly man with laughter lines around his eyes, chuckled heartily. He walked me over to the neighboring stall, introducing me to Pedro, a docile-looking donkey.
The realization dawned on me – I just bought a donkey instead of a bicycle. I was too embarrassed to admit my mistake. The surrounding vendors, along with a growing crowd of amused onlookers, burst into laughter at the sight of this bewildered American and his new donkey. I could only join in, my laughter ringing out as I shook my head at my own ridiculous blunder.
My journey home was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. Instead of cruising on a bicycle, I led Pedro through the streets, with my mistake prompting a wave of friendly teasing from the locals. That night, as I tied Pedro up outside my apartment, I found himself still chuckling at my own blunder. I patted Pedro’s head, “Well, Pedro, it looks like we’re in for quite the adventure.”
As I lay in bed, the sounds of Puerto Vallarta lulling me to sleep, I realized that my journey of ‘finding myself’ was going to be filled with more laughter and unexpected surprises than I could have ever imagined. I fell asleep with a smile on my face, eagerly anticipating the adventures that awaited me in my new home.
First on my list, finding Spanish classes… fast!
Next week on Dave in Puerto Vallarta…
Episode 2: “Spicy Situation” Dave tries local cuisine for the first time and doesn’t realize the potency of Mexican chilies. He also accidentally enters a hot chili eating contest at a local festival.
As the sun began to rise over Puerto Vallarta, bathing the picturesque town in a golden glow, My excitement was already at its peak . . .
